the evil faces of medicine

Now, hahaha… entering another era… becoming a medical officer. What does that mean?... more responsibility, more work, more hours in hospital…. Not a very good idea. By this time, I have friends and colleges leaving the profession. Most of them, just can’t take the long hours, the stress, the burden.

Looking at my friends who left the profession, I really do understand their sentiment. I do understand their disappointment, I do understand their lament. Its not easy to reach a decision to say “ I throwing in the letter” after the time and money spend. Many who stayed on was either very passionate about the work or they have just have no other choice, they can’t do other stuff. They were just stuck.

I admit that thought did cross my mind more than once. Why suffer to people? Why suffer for people who you don’t know? Why sacrifice yourself, your time, your soul, your energy, your emotions on people that you don’t really care???... come on… how many patient do you see will actually come back and thank you???.... for me maybe 2 or 3…. Yes, there is the moral question of being “ikhlas” but how much can one take? How much and how long can one be sincere. Mind you, in this profession, people won’t remember you of the good deeds that you do, just the mistakes that you make. THAT”S THE SAD TRUTH. Try asking a doctor college about the patient you safe or help last week? Chances are no one remembers. Try asking about the mistake you make? Most will remember it till kingdom come and trust me they won’t let you forget about it. In a way is good (not to repeat mistakes) but its like a torn in doctor’s life that can’t be removed. I have my fair share of torns. This is the ugly face of medicine.

Coming back to doctors who stopped their service in the government or just stop serving people, personally I really admire them. It is a very courageous thing for them to do. To say the hell with it, screw you.

I mean, first of all the money is not that great. True the government has increased the salary and the oncall claims but is it enough? As a MO, my take home salary was about the range of RM 4500. (I am in Sarawak, colleges in peninsular earns less). On call claims for me is about RM 2000 to RM2500. It looks a lot but remember I am oncall 20 days a month. The work put in is not reflected via the money entering my bank account. For me, I am single, only one mouth to feed. How about married couples? You figure the math. The reason people say doctors in sabah and Sarawak earns more is not because of the high salary but because of the less expenditure. (this is only in some cases – this is untrue about the doctors in the rural area, cost of living is higher – why – do you thing the transport of goods are free?). By less expenditure, I mean where the hell to I have time to spend money when I am oncall 20 days a month?.

Secondly, time, time, time. You can’t turn back time. The time you loose, you loose. That’s that. Doctors quit because they can’t take the hours. Hmmm… sounds selfish? Not at all. Imagine if you are a houseman or a medical officer (I can’t say specialist – I am not one yet – I write only what I know or think) when you are oncall you can't go anyway, you are tied down. You missed the delivery of your child, your parent’s birthday, reunion, celebrations, your anniversary and other important events in life. Events that only comes once in the life time. I have colleges that his son don’t even know he exist. Why, he missed his birth?. Sad? Very sad… I personally missed 3 Chinese new years reunion dinners. I have cousins and nephew and niece that don’t know they have an uncle. Go figure. My grandfather don’t recognize me. My grandmother don’t even bother asking me if I am coming back for Chinese new year. Haiz….. yet we still do what we do… kind of stupid.

Labour laws, has no say in the medical profession. Doctors work everyday 7 days a week, weekends and public holidays. Ever wonder everytime you go to a clinic, you see the same doctor?.... hahaha… its like the doctor live and breath hospital air and water. Pathetic isn’t it?. Yes, the government has came out circular that post call doctors can rest the next day and doctors get 1 day off for every 6 days of work. This might be doable in peninsular, not in Sarawak. The shortage still hunts us. No breaks, no days off, just work. The only breaks for doctors are the leaves that are entitle to them. 25 days in a year. (that is if the leaves are approved). Senior consultants say doctors are professionals. What does professionals mean? A person who works and does his best for the patients, a person who don’t know the meaning of tiredness, a person who has prefect judgment after working 24 hours sleep. Hmm… that describes a robot. Well, doctors are robots then. So people quit.

Ever wonder that happens to the doctors that quit? I asked my colleges that resigned. Its scary no doubt, its full of uncertainty, its exciting, its feels like a burden has been lifted up, its like you are free, its like you live. Wah!!!!!!! This responds was directly quoted. No sugar coating what so ever. I can’t really say because I am still suck in the system. I have no balls.

Okay, not all my colleges quit because they can’t stand the pressure and the lifestyle. Some of them really really hate medicine. I am referring the doctors who sacrifice but yet throw in letter. Some of them when in the private, some of them open GP clinics, some of them when in to pharmaceutical, some of them when in to direct sales, some of them just got married. Those in the private setting, life is good. Office hours, weekends off, some of them do on calls (not that hectic). They still see patient but a different demographic, the paying kind. Who can blame them, no one can, no one has the right to do so. IF YOU DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, NO ONE WILL…

Example – a very good friend of mine, he actually hate, loath medicine. (did it for the family). After a few months of housemanship, he threw in the letter. Then, he when in to direct sales. Suffered a few months, suffered rejection, persecution but he really hates medicine. Now, long story short, he is laughing all the way to the bank. Working hours are according to him. He is the boss. Life is good. Always a smile and always fresh everytime I catch up with him.

Another story, quit after becoming a MO. Start own GP clinic. Starting was rough. Built connections. Got other doctors to partner with him. Continue to see patients. Currently owns his own string of GP clinics. Working flexi hours. Paying other doctors to locum for him. Able to go to long holiday trips with his family. Sleeping well. No regrets.

Couple of my special also left. We all it “jump boat”. These are people that already when throw the hellish housemanship, becoming MO and sat the exams and passed it. These are people who are passionate of their work. Yet, they leave. Why? Numerous reasons, money, working environment, acknowledgements and so on. Can’t really comment on this cause haven’t gone through it yet. But I understand why they leave. One would definitely want a better future after sloughing day and night. One would want a better paying job with better working hours. By that time I presume that they would have children to provide, bigger mortgages to pay and higher expectations in life. It would be weird to see a specialist driving a bit up car and living in a run down place. Call me traditional but its shameful. And so they quit.

I guess different people have different threshold and endurance level. Some can take it, some just can’t but I guess all have something in common. They all want to help but they need to take care of themselves first. The working environment actually hasn’t changed to the past 50 years. Previously the pay was even less and the on call claims were close to nothing. Yet, there are people that survive it. Ask the veterans, the consultants, they actually went through hell over and over and over again. Have the current doctors became too pampered, became soft. Or have the current doctors woke up and realize that they have rights after all.